Scoring
by lamune.soda
Summary: Zer0's on a quest for a legendary class mod and it requires him utilize haikus and smooth moves. Zer0/Everyone Warning: Suggestive themes
1. 1-0

"What do you need Zer0?" Patricia asks from her desk, eyeing the Vault Hunter.

"A reward is nigh/A contest between rivals/I request your lips." Zer0 says to the scientist.

"… What!? Uh, is this a joke?" Patricia stutters, never expecting such a thing from an assassin.

Zer0's helmet creates a heart emoticon, causing her to blush some more.

"I don't have time for this... get out of here." she said, rubbing her temples before returning to her work.

"Someone is cranky/Please make due with this ECHO/Now for my reward." he said, presenting an ECHO recording.

"Quite stubborn. I'm not interested or that easy." Patricia claims, ignoring the offer in the best of her ability.

Zer0 holds up the recording for a few seconds then walks away.

"W-Wait! At least tell me what's on it."

His helmet makes a **XP** in response.

"...Fine, you win. Just a kiss on the helmet, right?" Patricia asks, sighing in defeat.

"You sure?" a question asked with a smiley face emoticon displayed.

"Don't test me. Now, hurry up before the others walk in."

After the reluctant researcher hisses her threat, Zer0 walks over to receive his reward. Patricia looks around nervous and fluster then finally does the deed. Planting her lips onto the cold surface that is Zer0's helmet, Patricia leaves behind a light kiss mark. Retracting her head as quickly as possible, she snatches the ECHO device.

"Now that's outta the way, GET OUT!" she screams, watching the number one appear on his helmet.

"That felt good."

"GET OUT!"

Her outburst was followed by a storm of papers and pencils, but the assassin was already gone. After finding her center and taking a breather, she plays the recording and discovers the contents to be alarming. Singing is heard, singing by Patricia Tannis. Her grip on the device begins to crack it as this was evidence that refuted her claim to hate music.

"Zer0!"

Zer0- **XD**


	2. 2-0

After a series of successful arena battles, the Vault Hunters decided to go with Gaige's suggestion and settle for some homemade sweets by yours truly. Though the thought of the unstable high school runaway making cupcakes and hot chocolate was discouraging, but it's snowing and cold as Hell.

"Stop making stupid faces when a cute girl just made cupcakes and hot chocolate. Damn it people, it's not piss and nachos." Gaige tells everyone, while handing out plates and cups.

"Well, much appreciated, Gaige, it's just that... it's... uh..." Axton says, carefully inspecting the purple cupcake.

"What Stud muffin?" she asked, somewhat pouty.

"It's purple. I mean glowing purple. Radiation." Maya interjects.

"But purple is my favorite color." Gaige defends her cooking.

"Uh...Eridium purple." Maya continues to engage.

"Isn't that what you Sirens eat or stick up your butt or something to get your powers?" Gaige asks, passing out the rest, but discovers that Salvador and Krieg already disappeared, leaving their portions to Zer0, but taking the hot chocolate along with them.

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that and not phaselock your mouth." Maya says under her breath, but continues to watch the cupcake with displeasure.

Everyone looks over to see their other companion who was strangely quiet even though it's in his nature. Zer0 also inspects the treat then smashes it into where his mouth would be. He then looks over to the others and gives a thumbs up with a **:9** on his faceplate.

"At least Zer0 tries!" Gaige yells, pointing at the assassin.

"Then have ours too, Zer0." said Maya.

Maya and Axton walk over to him and smoosh their cupcakes into his face. They did enjoy the hot chocolate though.

"Fuck My Life!" Gaige screams, making the others laugh.

FML appeared on Zer0's helmet just as she said that.

"My thoughts exactly." Gaige tells him as the other two left the building.

"My sight has vanished/Someone quickly eat my face/My world is purple"

Zer0 sat motionless, expecting Gaige to do the deed and she obliged. Using her hand to scrape the frosting off his helmet.

"Better?" Gaige asks, wiping her hand with a napkin.

Zer0 places a small dollop of purple icing on his helmet

Zer0 - **:I**

"Seriously? You're more cheesy than the guys back at school." Gaige tells him with her hands on her hips.

Zer0 - **):I**

"What? Now you're angry!? Fine, geez, you better be jumping for joy you buttmunch, this does count as my first kiss. Damn it, now I sound cheesy. Then again, you're not really human, so that means this doesn't count, right? I'm right aren't I?" Gaige frustrates herself with her own words and finally plants a kiss where the dab of frosting was.

"Hmmm, that wasn't bad... and I'm talking about my cupcake." said Gaige, licking her lips while in deep thought about the...uh... taste.

Zer0 - **:D**

"Impressive."

"Shut up."


	3. 3-0

On a floating landmass that is Sanctuary, Angel is recuperating in a medical bay operated by Dr. Zed. Months have gone by after the Vault Hunters revived her through extensive modifications to a New-U Station. You can find more in depth details up your butt.

* * *

Angel stares out the window of an apartment, attached to a series of life support systems since her revival wasn't perfect. She still suffers from Eridium withdraw, so a steady supply of Eridium was a necessity for her to live. Though sitting in bed all day with nothing to do wasn't really considered freedom. Looking at her arm that had a large needle pumping purple ooze inside her body, she sighs and checks the radio.

Sadly the only thing on was Shade's constant banter about Oasis and his BFFs, the Vault Hunters. Angel wished she could use her abilities to look at what the Vault Hunters were up to, but doctor's orders told her to rest. Sighing even louder, she looks over at her tabletop to see a clock with a date displayed.

"Oh yeah, it's my birthday today... isn't? Well, I don't actually recall ever celebrating it either." Angel said then faces down into her pillow.

She suddenly senses a presence nearby and turns her head to face the door. Two large, blue orbs appear right at her bedside, making her jump. It was Claptrap and Zer0 wearing his Hell0000 Assassin helmet and Hyperion Heroism skin.

"Boredom is draining/Just like this damaged Claptrap/Let's Carpe Diem" said Zero, crouching next to her bed.

"Huh?"

"Speak English, minion! For the sake of my party, we can't afford to waste time." Claptrap points at Zer0.

"Uh?"

"Back to business. I was informed by my minion that today was your birthday too, but my birthday is more important. Remember that." said Claptrap, poking Angel in her side.

"O-okay." Angel says, still confused.

"You still don't get it? I'm inviting you to my party, because I'm nice and merciful."

"Thanks... I guess."

"Lack of excitement?/Butterflies in your stomach?/Claptrap being dumb?" Zer0 asks.

"No, no, just unexpected. Never thought I would be invited to a party, but..." said Angel, waving her hands in defense then looking over at her life support machines with a saddened expression.

"That's too bad... Pssst, I think she's trying to score some brownie points or something, minion." Claptrap whispers to Zer0, but loud enough for Angel to hear.

Zer0 - **):[**

Zer0 punches Claptrap from above, releasing a hatch on its back and revealing a power outlet.

"What!? Treason! Mutiny!" Claptrap yells, waving its arms around.

Zer0 drags Claptrap towards the machines and begins to pile the pumps and computers on its head, then quickly switches the plugs, so everything ran on Claptrap's power supply.

Zer0 - **:D**

"W-wait, what's going on? Where are we going!?" Angel stutters before she is suddenly picked up bridal-style by Zer0.

"As expected of my minion, TO THE PARTY!" Claptrap yells once more and rolls out with Zer0 and Angel close behind.

They eventually reach the Highlands where Zer0 placed Angel on her feet to walk on the glass. The Siren still had a weak body, but Zer0 and Claptrap gave her a hand, mostly Zer0 anyway. The feeling of grass against her feet placed a smile on her face as well as the wind from the Lake Shining Horizons breezing over her skin and through her hair. She only wore a patient gown with short shorts and a tank top underneath, but the day was perfect for outings.

Walking up a hill , they reach a clearing where others were gathered.

"Look, it's birthday girl." Axton calls over from a grill.

"Aaaaaaaaand..." Claptrap drags out.

"…. and Claptrap." Axton says with a dull voice then returns to cooking.

Maya, Lilith, Salvador, Krieg, Gaige and many others greet the Guardian Angel and wished her a happy birthday. Scooter and Ellie brought a miniature Loader and battery pack, so Angel wasn't anchored to Claptrap anymore, but that didn't stop him from annoying her from time to time since she was taking all his thunder.

"How did everyone find out it was my birthday?" Angel asks while eating a grilled Rakk burger. (Doesn't sound that bad.)

"Zer0 stumbled upon some files while we were in Opportunity and somehow pulled out that bit of information. So, everyone... actually Zer0 pushed the idea of celebrating your birthday. Trust us, Angel, everyone here is at an age where birthdays are just another day, but you're still young and deserve it. I guess Tina and Gaige are young too, but they're not really what you would consider good girls." Maya tells her, as they all sat on the grass.

"TIsk tisk. It was I who formulated this party, not AssTrap, but me, Claptrap. Aren't I nice?" Claptrap says from behind them.

Zer0 - **D:(**

"Pffft. AssTrap?" Angel laughs, looking at Zer0.

"Leave it to Claptrap to come up with nicknames. Put an assassin and a claptrap together, what do you get?" Lilith asks Angel.

"An AssTrap." Angel answers before laughing into a napkin some more.

"Take the 'trap' out and you get 'AssClap'. Sounds Moxxi-esque." Axton says after finding a place to sit.

Zer0 - **WTF BRO**

Everyone laughs again and continues on with the feast. Presents, racing, shooting shit and more eating was what made the day go by, later followed by dusk.

"Look! Double Rainbow." Claptrap yells, pointing at the sky.

Everyone takes in the view as they start to clean up. Angel appears next to Zer0 who was still admiring the rainbow.

"Thanks Zer0." she says, placing a hand on her chest.

Zer0 - **; )**

Angel hesitates a bit, but finally works up the courage to pull his head close and plant a kiss on his helmet. After letting go, she giggles and smiles at him with tears hanging on the edge of her eyes.

Zer0 - **=^_^=**

"I feel your amore/Flowing through my armaments/Angels are badass." said Zer0, patting her head.

"You're more cheesy than Gaige made you out to be." Angel laughs before leaving to help cleanup.

Zer0 - **DX**

"Assassins are cool/So strong, imposing, fearsome/I'm not made of cheese"

"But you're the same color as cheese, aren't you?" she says while walking away.

Zer0 - **o_o"**

"Darn."


	4. 4-0

_**AN** : (very little) Sexual content! Shouldn't be a surprise for readers who actually played the game, but still._

* * *

Somewhere in Wurmwater, Captain Scarlett rallies her crew for another quest for treasure on the Buccaneer's Bacchanal. Standing in line, many pirates await instruction from the incorrigible queen of the pirates. Surprisingly, among the crew was Herbert patched up like a rag doll that a nightmare farted out, but Scarlett was desperate for members, so he got a pass. Mercer was of course present, even Shade.

* * *

"Oh man, wait till my friends back in Oasis hear about this. They're gonna freak." Shade tells Mercer, elbowing him.

"Keeping poking and you'll be having your elbow for lunch." Mercer hisses.

"Our first best friend quarrel, ah memories." Shade sighs.

"Shut yer traps, our Goddess is on deck!" Herbert yells, causing everyone to stand at attention.

Scarlett zips down a zipline and lands in front of her crew. Pacing back and forth, Scarlett sort of gives her thanks for those serving under her.

"Well, uh... Thanks for joining me crew or whatever. Anyway, news of treasure has reached my ears and..."

"Yes! I, Herbert, will find it for you, my angel!" Herbert interrupts her.

"Mercer." Scarlett calls to the cook, who nods then drags the lovelorn hermit away.

"As I was saying, there's treasure, go find it, dismissed. Oh yeah, here's a map." Scarlett says, throwing a tattered map towards them.

Scarlett then sits in a chair accompanied by a table with an elegant bottle of rum on top. She watches her crew scramble around, preparing to set sail. Her gaze stops on a crewmate with a particular getup.

"Hey you, uh BoneHead!" Scarlett hollers, gaining his attention.

"Come here."

After her command, Zer0 in his B0ne H3ad helmet walks over to Scarlett.

"Haven't we met before? I think I tried to kill you or maybe that was someone else." Scarlett asks, rubbing her chin.

Zer0 - **NAW**

"Huh, thought so. Well, back to work."

"Are you not gloomy?/So much charm wasted on them/Let me rock your world" Zer0 says, bowing his head.

"Woah, don't know where that came from, buuuuuut I already have someone in mind." Scarlett says, pulling him close with her hook.

"Hey, punk! You're not gonna rock anyone's world and that someone is no doubt me! Right, captain?" Herbert shouts, running towards the two.

"No, you dolt. It's Moxxi, sweet sweet Moxxi." said Scarlett, sighing at the end.

"T-then let me change your mind with a poem... Cough... Cough." Herbert clears his throat and pulls out a piece of paper.

"Crap." said Scarlett.

Zer0 - **(-_-')**

"A haiku for you, my love. Ahem... I love you Captain Scarlett/Like a Bullymong steak/Marry me" Herbert finishes, then looks at her with moxie.

Zer0 - **D:( WTF!**

"Back to work." Scarlett tells him, facepalming.

"Oy, you heard her." said Mercer, before dragging him off again.

"Ahhh! Scarlett, you're tearing me apart! Not that I don't like it!" Herbert yells.

"Geez, I need to clear my head after that. You wanna give me a hand, BoneHead?" Scarlett asks, downing the bottle of rum.

Zer0 - **:D**

They retreat to the captain's quarters, placing a bandana on the door knob.

An hour later, Zer0 exits the room and stretches his arms. Herbert just happened to be cleaning the deck and looks at him. After the two make eye contact...

"What did you..."

Zer0 - **;9**

Zer0 then slingshots something at Herbert and gives him a thumbs up, before disappearing. After Herbert holds the piece of cloth in his hands, he sits there in awe as he held on to what he would consider treasure.

"Kill that bastard! He's one of those Vault Hunters!" Scarlett screams, running out of her cabin with only a blanket covering her body and her Captain's hat.

Looking around completely flustered and frustrated, she catches a glimpse of a love stricken Herbert holding her underwear. She marches over and snatches it out of his hands then kicks him overboard.

"He could've at least taken them with him." Scarlett pouts, then heads back inside.


	5. 4-1

Who would've thought Helena Pierce survived a bullet to head and still continued her work to get people to the safety of Sanctuary. Despite her triumph over death, she had to account for another gruesome looking scar and relentless headaches. This time men were avoiding her not because of the wedding band, but the large metal plate welded on the back of her head and an eye patch. The eye patch was fine, but the metal plate was hard to ignore. Helena was too proud to wear a hat, so she wasn't helping her situation.

"A beanie wouldn't hurt, doll." Moxxi tells the hard working widow, as she pours her another drink to down out her headache.

"It's fine. I've said it many times before, I still love my late husband and it's thanks to my new scar that men keep their distance." Helena says with an exhausted expression.

"I have to admit, it's quite the beauty mark."

"Keep your sarcasm to yourself. Your ex-boyfriend did this to me."

"Which one? Anyway, it looks like you're errand boy has returned." said Moxxi, motioning towards Zer0 walking through the doorway.

"Ah, good work, here's your reward." Helena says as she hands him some cash.

Zer0 - $

"Most Appreciated." Zer0 tells her before taking a sit next to her.

"What''ll you have, sugar?" Moxxi asks, slightly taken aback since he's always the odd man out when it comes to drinks and food.

Zer0 shrugs his shoulders while showing **IDK** on his visor.

"Then let me hook you up with my special." said Moxxi, fixing up a potent alcoholic beverage for the Vault Hunter.

"Here' your Moxxi's Special Badass Pandora's Box... and straw." Moxxi presents a glass cup that was in the shape of a cube. Inside was a crimson liquid accompanied by an ominous red glow, tasty!

Zer0 takes his cup and raises it towards Helena, hoping she would do the same. Helena was hesitant, but leaving the assassin hanging would be rude.

"Yes, yes, cheers." Helena says, clinking her whiskey glass with whatever Zer0 had.

Zer0 - **:)**

Once she took a sip, Helena looks over to watch Zer0 insert the straw under his helmet. "Weird" was all she could think. Realizing that Zer0 drank Moxxi's concoction in one go, she witnesses him slowly sway back and forth.

Zer0 - **XD**

"Are you gonna be okay, Zer0?" Helena asks, slightly laughing with her question.

"I think he's happy. Right, lover boy?" Moxxi says, grasping his helmet and making a kissy face.

Zer0 - **;3**

"See." said Moxxi before releasing him.

"Shadows and ice melt/Beauty revealed by the sun/Scars are so sexy" Zer0 slurs and wrapping his arm around Helena who jumps at the sudden contact.

Zer0 - **(** **๑•** **́ ₃ •̀** **๑** **)**

"Nope, not happening." Helena tells him, placing a hand on his visor to stop him.

"That's too bad, sugar." Moxxi tells Zer0.

Zer0 - **):** **く**

"Cool your jets. I'll buy you another drink." said Helena, patting his head.

Zer0 - **X9**


	6. 4-2

Though getting dumped isn't all that swell and dandy, even a really bad, bad person like Nisha can be in the dumps over it. Sitting on the porch of an abandoned house in an abandoned town, the Sheriff of Lynchwood watches the tumbleweeds mosey on by as she lets out deeps sighs of depression. Without bandits to lead, hunt and kill, Nisha was just bored out of her mind.

"Bored, bored, lame, bored, lame... There's nothing to do." Nisha bellows, falling on her back to look at the tattered awning.

Completely devoid of things to do, she couldn't help but let her eyes wander and become hazy as she puts all her attention on a spider slowly makng a web. This distraction was enough for a certain assassin to sneak up on her, bearing a gift.

Zer0 exits stealth mode and appears above her head. Nisha continues to hold her attention on the spider with a stultified expression.

"What do you want?" She asks him, lazily reachng for her pistol, but gives up halfway.

Zer0 - **( •́ – •̀ )**

"Go away, Vault Hunter. I want to be alone."

Zer0 - **W34K**

"Use words, dumbass."

"I respect your skills/Accept my challenge and fight/you will fell better."

"No. Go fight some bandit or one of my deputies... oh wait, you killed them all. Go away."

Zer0 - **I:く**

Nisha places her hat over her face with the intent to sleep the day away, but Zer0 quickly intervenes and replaces her sheriff's hat with a puppy, a Shiba puppy to be exact.

"What is this? What are you trying to pull?" Nisha asks with frustration, trying her best to ignore the puppy rubbing its head against her and occasionally licking her cheek.

Zer0 - **∪･ω･∪**

Nisha lets out a groan and gently pushes the puppy away. As she was doing this, Zer0 places another puppy on her head.

"H-Hey stop."

Then another is placed on her chest, on her stomach, by her sides, on each leg. Until a dozen furballs of joy were utilized, Zer0 finally ran out of pups to cover Nisha with.

"Munitions dry." Zer0 says, holding an empty box.

"G-Get these things off me." Nisha demanded, feeling little paws and wet noses press against her begging for attention.

Zer0 - **NO**

Nisha groans again, trying not to give into the temptation of owning a dog once more. They were adorable, even more so than her first one. The memory of her first dog did put a damper on her day, but the sight of their dog tags got her out of her funk.

"What are these names? Agent One, Double Trouble, Nice Thrice? Your naming sense blows more than Jack's." Nisha cries out, sitting up and holding an Akita with Tetradandy on its collar.

Zer0 - **WTF**

Zer0 was clearly mortified by her insult. Nisha wasted no time taking off the dog tags. Looking more lively, Zer0 took the opportunity to take out a doctor's note from Dr. Zed explaining that each pup recieved their shots; rabies, DA22P, bordatella, Lyme... and of course, frenzycrutch. Looking at the note with disbelieve, Nisha also notices the loot chest behind him marked as dog food.

"I still don't like you." Nisha says, directing her attention to the rest of the puppies surrounding her leaving the assassin in the dust.

Zer0 - **(๑•́ ₃ •̀๑)**

"Don't kid yourself, boyfriends are overrated and stupid. Thank Jack for that." Nisha lets out an obnoxiuos laugh and stands up, holding three of her new pets while the rest followed.

Zer0 was soon on his knees presenting something as a last resort; it was a palm-sized, black kitten with a red circle on its head.

Zer0 - **₍₍ ◝(●˙꒳˙●)◜ ₎₎**

"Don't tell me that its name is Mini Zer0 or Zer0-nyan or something? I don't even like..." Nisha stops midsentence as the tiny ball of fur yawns and mews at her. With some hestitation, the sheriff snatches it from him and retreats inside.

Zer0 loses out again.

"Damn."


	7. 4-4

The Vault Hunters always wanted to go to the beach, well some of them do, and luck was on their side since Sir Hammerlock gave them the keys to the Aegrus Sophisticates' Lodge for the whole week... for free. So arriving in the middle of the Hunter's Grotto, the Vault Hunters were in vacation mode. All the guys wore swim trunks and the gals with their bikinis, as for Zer0, he didn't change except for the snorkel attached to his helmet.

"Geez, Hammerlock needs to clean this place once a while." Axton says aloud after he drops his bag on a chair, kicking up a cloud of dust.

"It's not like we're gonna stay here anyway." Said Maya, wearing a white monokini. She places her bag on the floor and walks over to the vending machines with Lilith who wore a pink bikini.

"Nice! We have water blasters." Gaige says, searching through a loot chest and piling water guns in Deathtrap's arms. The mechromancer was wearing a yellow, frilly two piece.

"Nice! We have booze." said Mordecai, holding up a bottles of liquor.

"MURDER! MURDER! SO MUCH MURDER!" Krieg screams, looking in a cabinet stocked with expensive, red rum.

Everyone appeared to be scavenging through every inch of the lodge to find something worth taking. Salvador found a barbeque grill and sauces, planning to take them along to one of the fishing spots. He was thinking of grilling whatever they kill on the way. Even Brick wanted to have fun by grenade fishing. The only one sitting idly by was Zer0.

"Yo, Zer0. Something up? Haven't heard a single haiku from you all day." Axton asks with a beach umbrella over his shoulder.

A red light on Zer0's visor slowly dims. His head turns away from the sirens and now faces the commando.  
"Nothing to see here/But the real prize awaits/A wet, curvy prize."

Zer0 - **ಠ_ಠ**

"Uh... okay, buddy? I guess everyone's ready to go then." Axton calls out to everyone, each carrying their own thing.

There was only one fan boat, so it was crowded, especially after Salvador mounted a Wetland Drifter on the back. Running over a few skags and savages, they finally reach the beach, where everyone went their separate ways. Brick and Salvador were on food duty. Gaige and Krieg were learning how to swim by Axton. Mordecai was drifting on a float next to another float holding a cooler containing Hammerlock's prized alcohol. Then there's the sirens causally swimming around without a care in the world.

"Hmm? Where's your assassin friend, Maya?" Lilith asks after getting out of the water to stand on the rocks.

"Zer0? I don't know, he's usually like that. Maybe meditating or something Zen like that." Maya answers, waiting for Lilith to do a dive.

"Ha ha. Probably. Alright, I'm gonna go for a triple... Maya, there's something coming your way!" Lilith was about to do a running start, but stops when she notices a shadow swimming at high speed towards Maya.

"Huh? Ack!... Zer0!" Before Maya could turn around, she felt Zer0's helmet press against her butt. Though spooked, Maya knew right away who it was after a quick glimpse behind her.

Maya pulls Zer0 up by his snorkel and uses Phaselock to lift him out of the water completely then throws him hard enough that he skipped a couple times across the surface.

Zer0 - **meh**

"Wow, sneaky Zer0 is sneaky." Lilith teases.

"Shut up and jump."

"Okay okay. Don't go from Harmony to Cataclysm on this beautiful day." said Lilith.

As promised, she does a triple somersault in the air and finishes it with a perfect dive. After reemerging to give some sass, Maya stops her.

"Whoa there, your top is missing." Maya says, holding back a laugh.

"Thank you, captain obvious... What the?... my bottom is missing too." Lilith begins to panic as she covers up using her hands.

"Ha ha ha. No sweat, I have spares."

"Hey, what happened to your swimsuit?"

"What are you talking about?" Maya asks with a joking tone then looks down to find herself completely nude.

Doing the same as Lilith, Maya also covers up with her hands before going on a desperate search for their missing swim wear. Moving around to hopefully spot their swimsuits below, Lilith feels her stomach bump into something.

"Hm?"

That little bump against her midsection was Zer0's helmet and that little tap was enough to disrupt his Stealth Mode.

"Z-Zer0!? ...You want to die?" Lilith was at first surprised, but after bearing witness to the fabrics in his hand, she was fast to show him no mercy.

"Zer0, drop it!" Maya demands with a voice loud enough to sound threatening, but quiet enough to avoid unwanted attention from the others.

"Phasewalk is useless/Phaselock is still on cooldown/I vanish once more!" said Zer0 before dodging Lilith's hand and swimming freestyle all the way to shore, making the sirens eat his bubbles.

Zer0 - **):D**

Retreating to the lodge on foot with a head start, he never expected to get pursued by so quickly. Though he was close to his goal, a fan boat was still fast. Feeling the blood lust behind him, he quickens his pace. Wandering enemies minded their own business, but Zer0 still managed to run into trouble after stepping into a mucky swamp where half his body is submerged, trapping him. Struggling to get out, his prize is suddenly snatched out of his hand as Maya and Lilith pull up close to him.

"I'll be taking that." said Maya while holding a smile accompanied by a large, pulsating vein on her forehead.

They weren't completely naked thanks to the towels they wrapped around themselves. However, they wore towels, because Zer0 also took Maya's spares.

Zer0 - **(๑◕︵◕๑)**

"We'll be quick." Lilith nonchalantly says as a dark aura surrounds her, all the while casting down a death glare towards him.

Zer0 - **OMG**

Maya and Lilith begin to violently stomp the assassin further into the swampy water.

Zer0 - **PA1N**

"Aww, did that hurt?"

"Stop struggling and take it!"

Their excessive movements cause a wardrobe malfunction, revealing all their assets and Zer0 wasted no time to react.

Zer0 - **(o)(o)**

Unfortunately, they knew exactly what that meant, so his pummeling exculated.

Zer0 - **FML**

Thirty minutes later, Zer0 is face down in the muck with a cracked helmet and bruised body. The sirens are bent over, trying to catch their breaths.

Zer0 - **LOL**

Seeing this caused their eyes to twitch in vexation, earning him another round of pain. Another thirty minutes elapse and Zer0, for the most part, evanesced into the swamp where only his snorkel was visible. After feeling satisfied, Maya and Lilith head back fully clothed and avenged. It was much later when Claptrap makes his appearance to find his "subordinate" barely alive in the mud.

"M-Minion. MINION! Noooooo! Oh no, they even took the... prize. Curse you, Party God in the sky!" Claptrap hollers on his highest volume setting, holding Zer0 in his arms.


End file.
